Parenting your clients

I'm reading a parenting book by the popular Dr. Becky called "Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want."

The core idea is that there are no bad kids, and that trying to manage kids' behavior without addressing the reason why they're behaving in a certain way leads to all sorts of problems.

In the book, she emphasizes that it is critical to validate your child's feelings and be in it with them without judgement.

"One thing we know about feelings is that they are only scary if we are alone with them. If someone says to us, “Hey! You’re feeling [sad/scared/angry/left out]. That’s okay. I’m here. Tell me more,” the feelings immediately start to subside. We no longer feel so overwhelmed. We feel safer.

When kids are upset, it’s as if they are plopped down on the bench of that feeling. It may be an Angry Bench or Disappointed Bench or even a Nobody-Likes-Me Bench. And what kids (and also adults) want when they’re on a bench, especially the dark uncomfortable ones, is someone to sit with them. Once someone sits with us, the bench doesn’t feel so dark and cold. Now we have a 'bench warmer.'"

Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want

Now, your government clients aren't children, but sure enough, they have feelings too (though I've seen a few that maybe don't...).

As a consultant, you may tempted to solve their problems because on the surface, that's what you're hired to do.

But, to build a relationship, you should try to understand how your client's problems affect them.

On a few of my projects, I would let the client vent about unreasonable turnaround times for analytic requests by higher ups and then empathize.

"Yea that sucks. The boss really doesn't understand how much effort it takes to analyze the data but you get blamed for it anyway. You're in a tough spot."

Then, I'd help deliver the thing.

It's a winning combo.

You build the relationship and then also help solve pain points.

So take a page out of Dr. Becky's book and emotionally validate your client.

Your 1099 career will thank you.

Want the full playbook? Check out Going 1099.