Belongingness vs. Distinctiveness

I was listening to a podcast interview with Annie Duke, a former professional poker player who specializes in decision strategy, and she made an interesting point about belongingness and distinctiveness.

Business of Authority: Making Better Decisions with Annie Duke

We derive our identities from multiple sources.

In some cases, we derive it from a group. It could be a religion, a company, a political party, or any sort of group that has a strong impact on the decisions you make. This is "belongingness."

But we also derive identities from things that make us distinct.

We all want to stand out in some way.

You may be a humble public servant by day, but by night you are the acclaimed saxophonist Duke Silver.

Our identity plays an important role in our decision making process.

If you see yourself as an athlete, you will decide to stay in shape. If you don't, you will feel weird since it conflicts with your identity.

If you see yourself as an intellectual, you will double down on things that make you feel smart.

When making the transition from W2 to solo 1099, you should be aware that your identity will shift.

If you had a strong professional identity from your company, you will now derive it from your identity as an independent consultant.

You may make decisions that affirm your independence and your desire to go against the grain.

You'll see yourself as a rebel and will vow to never follow a stupid SOP again!

This isn't a bad thing. But the independent consultant identity isn't always the right lens or framework to use when making decisions.

For example, I'm always quick to tell people who are unhappy with their jobs to work for themselves. I couldn't imagine anyone being happy as someone else's minion.

But most people are generally happy being employees. They might not like their particular job or boss or company, but they certainly have no interest in working for themselves.

I am projecting my own identity into the advice I give them, rather then determining what they really want to hear.

So be mindful if you're leaning in too far into one aspect of your identity, particularly the independent rebel consultant side. It feels good to you, but it's not always a strong base for you to engage with other people or situations in your life.

Want the full playbook? Check out Going 1099.